This is a shout out to 2018 as I reflect on all of it’s events, trials, obstacles, good times, bad times, and most importantly the growth that took place. 2018 made me “Level Up” to a different version of myself. 2017 catapulted me into a more mature, more vocal, a harder version of myself. One day I woke up and found a much stronger woman staring back at me in the mirror.
2017 was filled with everything from the hurricanes, ACL rehab, a few questionable people in my life, and a lot of emotions I didn’t know how to handle well. But 2018 felt like I was walking around wearing an extra layer of defense or maybe it was an accessory I picked up along the way preparing me for things/people I’d meet in the next phase of my life. I felt myself walking taller, more fiercely, being more confident in who I was while speaking up about things I didn’t think were right.
One thing I used to avoid like the plague was upsetting people, making others uncomfortable, confronting problems as if they’d go away if I ignored them long enough. This time around I knew the types of people I wanted to be surrounded by and who I knew needed to be kept at a distance. I upset a few people, made them uncomfortable, and spoke out when necessary (sometimes when it wasn’t too… oops) lol. But hey, the most growth doesn’t come from a place of comfort and I can honestly say I felt more ME than ever. I didn’t live to please everyone along the way.
I was called “mean” quite a few times by guys and I actually laugh at that. Because in this season of my life it’s more of a compliment and there’s worse things to be called. It just means that I’ve learned to stand up for the woman I’ve worked so hard to become. I didn’t go through so much, to get this far and have boys parading as men tell me the penny in their hand extended is actually worth a dime. You could also say I was a little bitter towards guys too, but hey I got it out of my system. 😉 I would say it grew from a place of mistreatment from myself and by other people in the year prior.
On the flip side, I accomplished sooo many wonderful things on all levels that I’m very proud of. Many of them that I haven’t allowed myself to sit down and appreciat until writing this. I am proud of everything from the beginning of the year with how I handled the Lebanon situation with a coach that was as toxic as they come and a club that was blackmailing me into staying in less than promised conditions. To my team’s/my performance in Sweden even though I tore my hamstring near the end of the season. To how I handled Australia. Lastly, I’m proud of the MBA I worked 2.5 years to graduate with in December.
You see, anyone who knows me knows I use humor and sarcasm to make things seem smaller than they are; even the bad stuff. Just like many of you reading this, I make self-deprecating jokes and comments to make the good stuff and the bad stuff seem less than it really is. Those little things we all use to make ourselves seem LESS sometimes. What I’ve used to minimize anything from hurricanes, to bball performances, to emotions, or even my MBA.
If I’m sitting here being honest with myself and allowing myself to appreciate it all a bit, I see that I’ve accomplished some pretty great things. I made some pretty amazing friends, as usual, in a multiple countries and somehow along the way I was able to graduate with a big time degree while balancing the ups and downs of it all. I did that! Nobody else did it for me.
I’m using this blog to boast about the badass woman staring back in the mirror at me today. I’m taking a moment to stop worrying about all that I’m not, all that I wish I could be, and all that I have yet to accomplish. I’m using it to let myself reflect and know it’s okay to be proud of what I’ve accomplished and I want you to do the same.
You may not be who you want to be right now or where you would like to be in your job, life, relationship, or even emotionally, but it’s okay to appreciate yourself and all that you’ve become in the last year. It’s okay to show a little love to the person looking at you in the mirror every single day, good or bad! You are the only you and your journey of how you got where you are is no less or more amazing than the person whose life seems near perfect on your newsfeed. It’s okay to hype yourself up sometimes because YOUR journey matters. YOU matter.
My New Year’s resolution is to change the way I talk to myself. I want to appreciate myself more and stop making myself small so others may feel more comfortable. Stop down-talking my accomplishments. Step into myself more because I’m really liking the person I’m becoming. It’s probably about time too because, I mean… it is kinda a forever thing. Lol
Whatever your New Year’s resolutions for 2019, make sure to recognize how amazing you are, have been, and will continue being. Happy New Year! Can’t wait to see where we grow from here.